Abundance is to live life to the fullest. It is about being the fullest expression of the self.
Living life to its fullest is not about accumulating money just to let it sit there in a bank account.
You want to find meaning and purpose. This means exploring the possibilities. Not in an institution of education, not by selling yourself to various companies.
Instead, you want to engage in recreation activities of any and every variety. Go zip lining, take a hike, travel the world, volunteer here and there, have a drink and make new friends, have a threesome, enjoy an orgy, swing on a hammock, soak up the suns rays. Do it all.
The Pitfalls of Finding Yourself
1. Accumulation of Money
Too often we reduce our pleasure to the acquisition of money or convince ourselves that the job we perform is what makes us feel self-actualized.
Those are things that we spend time doing in order to have the resources to do what makes us feel abundance in our life.
Work and making money are a means-end relationship. You work to make money. You make money because you need it to survive.
Survival is not self-actualization.
You know that Letterkenny quote “do what you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life”? Well, thats a lie.
Until recently I was working in a job I told myself I loved. I did love it.
I loved mentoring people. I loved advising people and providing guidance. I loved the schedule. I even loved the money even though it was insufficient. I loved the challenge of finding new ways to communicate.
But what I really loved was the idea of it. That job had an ideology that it allowed freedom and was well paid. Woh woh, it was neither.
COVID drove that idea home, I got burnout, and now I am using the skills I learned in that job to build a new more lucrative career.
2. Being Judged or Evaluated
One of the saddest things a young adult can say to me is that a good grade makes them feel self-actualized.
Under no circumstances should a child or young adult be made to feel that being evaluated by others is what makes them feel self-actualized.
Unfortunately, this applies to too many young women. They can get mad when I tell them this, but… reality bites.
Being evaluated by others is not a form of self-actualization. It does not give you meaning in life. Nor does it give you purpose in your life’s work.
So how do you find meaning and purpose in life? How do you figure that out?
3. Finding Peace and Joy and Love
The search for meaning in life is not a philosophical question. It only becomes a philosophical question when you live in a constant state of existential crisis.
Breaking the cycle of crisis or the stress cycle are critical to the search. You want to search for things that bring you peace, joy, and love.
In peace and love and joy you will find your meaning and purpose.
The question of meaning and purpose is about how you relate to those around you.
You must understand yourself. What makes you tick?
Are you an introvert? extrovert? ambivert?
Go to 16personalities.com and take the test to see what you can learn about yourself. It is surprisingly accurate. Beware though, it is not intended to be prescriptive. It is intended to give you insight to allow you to reflect on your personality.
Another warning is sometimes our personality looks like our traumas. That website cannot differentiate between the two. A therapist of counselor might be able to help you there.
Just a little insight about me from 16personalities.com, I am a logician. I contemplate life. That is why I spend time writing this blog with the silly name.
I appreciate the blend of humor and intellect. Without humor us intellects go crazy. We are often labelled crazy because our logical rationality is difficult for others to understand.
My personality test also says do not lie to me because spotting discrepancies is a fucking hobby. Ain’t that the truth.
I highly suggest this website as it offers free access to a fairly developed analysis of your personality type. There are questions that shift and change based on your mood or way you interpret them in the moment. But overall I think it leads to pretty sound results.
Living Life to the Fullest
There are several elements to living life to the fullest:
- Think for yourself
- Find what makes you feel good
- Explore the possibilities
- Travel the world
Reflexivity is so important today in understanding what it is we want out of life. We rarely ask ourselves what we want out of life or what makes us feel good about life.
Examine yourself. What do you believe to be true? Is it true? Is it true universally? No, it is not. There are very few things that are true.
For example, even the idea that life is precious is not true today.
One need only look at some of the values espoused by the republican party. They are locking kids in cages after separating them from their parents and having zero documentation or means to reunite these families. That is not valuing life. That is systematic traumatization of already traumatized people.
Or look at the nazi or fascist even held in Charlottesville, South Carolina. A band of white men marching around yelling “jews will not replace us,” holy shit Hitler’s youth calm the fuck down before I stab you with that Tiki Torch. Did I say something ironic? Yes, I did. Which brings us to the idea of values.
Values have to be life affirming. If your belief is that life is precious (which is arguably a universal belief except among this fascist scum growing in our midst), then you have to defend life and that means going to war, engaging in violence for the preservation of peace. As much as it hurts me to write that.
Discerning right from wrong is a value judgement. Knowing what is the right thing to do and why it is the right thing to do will help you immensely in your life’s work.
You have to know if your beliefs about right and wrong match your values and practices.
Returning to the above examples, people on the mainstream political spectrum have values that absolutely do not match their beliefs or practices.
Sidebar: Isn’t it ironic? No, not really. The great irony of life is that rationality makes the world go round. *We have been lied to!*
Think for yourself
Too often what we are asked is what do you want to be when you grow up and what are your career goals or where do you see yourself in five years (with the subtext being in terms of your job).
In this post-apocalyptic world, we need to start thinking for ourselves.
The best way to understand your beliefs is to constantly question your beliefs.
Let me repeat that: constantly question your beliefs.
This is important, because it does NOT say constantly question other peoples’ beliefs.
You have to understand your own beliefs in order to question others. This doesn’t mean to outright accept others beliefs.
It means to approach every conversation from the perspective that it is worth taking their ideas seriously.
Even if they are absolutely offensive and wrong in every way, there is something you will find of value to add to your personal toolkit for knowing about how other people work. You will learn things you did not think you could and be a better person for it. This is what living life to the fullest is all about.
Find what makes you feel good
The world is wide. There are so many people and ideas and place and things to do. Finding what makes you feel good requires you get out there and experience the world.
Let me privilege check myself here. Some people have chronic illnesses and cannot do this. I want to recognize those people out there. You can still do things, you can still get out there. You just need to find ways of making it possible. If Hangover Throat can be of any help in helping you realize your self-actualization, please contact us and we will see what we can do.
Finding what makes you feel good is about learning about the world. Learning about the world through experience is far superior than learning about it from a book.
I have met academics who have told me its ok to research people without ever interacting with them and that is totally legitimate. While technically this may be true, it is so far removed from reality.
I have also met people of color that would vehemently reject this proposition with every fibre of their being.
The World Bank is not going to manage poor people out of poverty. Not today, not ever. So sorry so very wrong. You have to actually learn about people and the conditions they live in and macroeconomics can only tell you so much.
You need to get out into the world to learn about it before wholly rejecting it. This does not require international travel. It could be as simple as visiting a shop you are unfamiliar with or going to sit in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable place.
If you do this, don’t try to be extreme with it. You do not want to cause violence in the place you enter. You want to grow without imposing yourself and your needs onto others.
Especially so when your needs for growth negatively impact other people. Here I am referring to things like a bougie white person sitting in the projects in order to somehow gain knowledge of racism or poverty. We can tell you’re bourgie dude, calm down and take that polo shirt off before someone removes it from your back. And if you tried to “slum it up” before heading down there, your posture and embodiments give you away. Your type comes here to buy cocaine. When you sit around, it makes you look like a cop.
This example is intended to show how unintentional the violence of power can be. You don’t want to make people nervous. A little bit of discomfort for everyone is good. An open mind about the experience makes all the difference.
Be honest with people and they will reward you with honesty in turn. If they do not, that is their trauma expressing itself. They have been hurt. You cannot control that but you can be the change. This makes the world a better place and makes you feel good.
Apart from new experiences out and about in the world, explore yourself sexually. Keep an open mind. Try new things. Masturbate. Touch yourself. Read a book about sexuality.
The book in the image below is a new publication on non-normative sexualities being penalized. I have not read it yet but reviews rave about it. It’s a book that allows you to explore sexuality while also learning about how sexuality is controlled. Here at Hangover Throat, we do not like to be controlled.
A book I own and have read is Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski (using the provided link, you have to search for the author’s name to successfully find the book), a book for young women (or even older women since they often suffer from sexual deprivation) on exploring your sexuality, turn ons and turn offs, etc.
You will definitely want to buy a good sex toy too. Finding a “good” sex toy is of course a matter of preference. Between the book Come As You Are and a good sex toy, you should be able to explore you pleasure zones your erogenous zones and then be able to tell a partner “hey! this is what I like, do this!”
What isn’t more sexy than a partner that knows what they want and can express themselves? PS I can’t and that is ok.
Explore the Possibilities
Get out there and do a whole bunch of stuff. Try crafting, there are so many varieties. Try music, listen to a whole bunch of different genres. Don’t listen to it for the enjoyment per se but listen to it and think about how it makes your feel. You want to live life to the fullest.
As with food, which you should also be exploring, you need to try it a few times before you can really tell if you enjoy it or not.
Let me explain. I always thought I hated fried plantains. Then, I was at a work breakfast meeting one day and I craved the plantains. Now, I love friend plantains. Those long slice ones, not those hunked fried ones and definitely not boiled. Watery plantains are not my thing.
When I realized I liked plantains, it was a game changer. It was one more thing in a tidal wave of changes that have occurred in my life that made me realize the world is fucking awesome. I love learning about all of its peoples and places.
Yet what I want …to get to know a people and place… is not really possible in the world of work for pay. I have to go to work, as in to a place with people I may not particularly enjoy being around and who may be offensive and violent toward me and people like me.
Travel the World
I’d rather travel the world. I’d rather make money on the road or bring other people into my world on the road. This is why part of Hangover Throat is promoting group travel. It offers an opportunity to get people together that are all interested in the same goal of self-actualization.
The world is an interesting place if you get to know it. It is scary if you believe the stories told to children in suburbs. Remember when your parents locked the doors when driving in a certain neighborhood, or past a homeless person, or past a black man? I do.
Today, I’ll sit down on a park bench and chat it up with ah omeless person if it moves me. I’ll drink in a park in a third world country with a fucked up dude that doesn’t speak a language I understand. Was he crazy, an addict, damaged by chronic malnutrition, brain damage? Who knows, it doesn’t matter, I didn’t judge. I shared my liquor with him then gave him the bottle and sought safety once I did not feel comfortable around him any longer.
This raises an important point. Know where safety is! I knew the place where this latter incident occurred. I knew exactly where I was, where I was safest in that park that evening, where to find a toilet, where to find a bar that would not allow this guy to enter with me.
I want to say there is a big difference between putting yourself in a risky situation and doing things that seem uncomfortable but that will lead to personal growth. But there really isn’t sometimes.
Sometimes it is as simple as talking to someone about their life. Other times, life comes to you and you have to live in the moment. As long as you humanize people, treat them with dignity and respect you ought to be good.
It feels really good to learn about things you have been taught to despise and reject and think lowly about. Sometimes those act as blockades against our full development as human beings. Change is good. It is ok to change your beliefs when presented with new information.
In order to live up to your potential, you have to work on self-actualization through reflections on your beliefs. Assess whether they reflect what you know to be true. Question your values by reflecting on whether they support or contradict your actions. While some contradiction is a part of life, when it comes to who we are and who we want to be, we must challenge ourselves to resolve contradiction by putting our values into practice.
Go get out there into the world. There is so much to do and learn.
Live life to its fullest! You are worth it!