Horrible people have certain social habits that negatively impact the well-being of the people around them. This post is not about regulating the behavior of horrible people. Instead, I highlight the social behaviors that we must look out for or be aware of so that we do not fall into the category of horrible people.
Self-reflection is the key to being better people. We are not here to judge. Yet, we are here to identify problematic behaviors of others so that we ourselves can become better people. If you’re not trying to be a better person, what’s your purpose?
A few characteristics of horrible people
- Regulate other peoples behaviors
- Emotionally Immature
Nobody wants to be considered a horrible person. We all seek acceptance. Everyone tries to follow the golden rule of treat others how you want to be treated. But sometimes people fail at this task. The first step to self-improvement is awareness. If you’re reading this, you are probably already aware.
Sharing is caring so if you meet someone that falls into the category of horrible person feel free to share this article with them.
Horrible people are judgemental.
What does it mean to be judgmental? Being judgmental is making a claim about something being right or wrong, except the claim of something being right or wrong is not universal.
For example, some people firmly believe you should eat three meals a day at specific times. To deviate from this norm is “wrong” and that value is pushed on everyone else around them.
Universal values might be things like a belief in the preservation of life or speaking the truth (aka not lying).
The question of judgmental behavior is about how someone approaches the world around them.
Horrible people tend to think the people around them are violent, untrustworthy, and/or out to get them. They are fearful. Most typically, they are fearful of their safety.
Of course, safety is typically coded language used to refer “politely” to people of color. Horrible people are great at hiding their horribleness. They use code words like safety, politeness, and being nice in order to avoid responsibility for their judgmental attitudes and behaviors.
One of the best things you can do to improve yourself is start to identify how polite, nice behavior and speech co-exists with judgmental behaviors and attitudes. Note the distinction between the words people use and the attitudes they are expressing.
Horrible people are controlling.
Controlling behaviors belittle. They express a lack of trust or confidence in others. People who exhibit controlling behaviors think there is one way of doing things. It is the oft heard phrase “my way or the highway” meaning if you do not do something the way I would you are doing it wrong.
Controlling people have a way of seeing the world that is narrow. They do not understand that there was many ways to travel between two points. As they say in New England (US), “you can’t get there from here.” This phrase means there is no direct path. Often, there are multiple paths to travel to get to your destination.
Only you know what is best for you and what works best for you.
Horrible people are rigid.
Parallel to controlling behavior is rigidity. Horrible people are rigid. They want things done on their terms, there is only one way, and the task should be completed in their time frame.
Rigid people insist that their way is the right way and any other way of doing a task is wrong. This often happens with childrearing. It is unfortunate because teachers and others in the education system (including bus drivers, classroom attendants, student teachers, nurses, secretaries, and others) all judge the children in their care. Their way of interacting with a child may not be the same as it is with the parent or guardian.
Military parents are the worst about this. They have very rigid standards because that is what they were taught in the military, that and not to be creative or think outside the box. While military people and their kids are obedient, they often lack independence and sound judgement. They are “trained” to be obedient and follow orders.
Following orders is an example of rigidity. If there is an order, a procedure, and/or directions for how to complete a task and adhering to that order/procedure/directions matters to an outcome that is one thing, but fortunately, that is not the case for most aspects of our lives.
People do not need to eat three meals at a day at 7am, 1pm, and 7pm. This is decidedly not a universal norm. Yet rigid people insist that this is how they need to live their lives in order to feel content.
We’re not about that life. We also want to recognize that for some people, in particular those who live with addictions, rigid lifestyles may be effective at controlling those addictions.
Behavior regulation is a quality of horrible people.
Another way to identify controlling people is when they attempt behavior regulation.
Sometimes in our lives people think it is their job to control your behavior. It can happen anywhere, but it’s the world when it happens at work.
Behavior regulation is the attempt to control how you interact with others, with the sole reason for attempting to regulate your behavior being comportment to social norms.
This happens to women, a lot. Comments about being too harsh, too sexual (except they say slutty), or even really simple under the radar type things.
The control of behavior through behavior regulation often happens when people attempt to–for example–force women to follow gender norms or force people of color (POC) into the subordinate role in a power dynamic. These are just two examples, but there are a multitude of ways this manifests because reality is diverse and nuanced.
Behavior regulation tried to fit other people into your box of expectations.
Let people live their lives! You’ll both be better for it.
Horrible people are emotionally immature.
Horrible people lack an ability to control their emotions. They are emotionally immature.
What does it mean to be emotionally immature?
Emotionally immature people lash out for seemingly no reason. This is especially when they do not get their way. They have difficulty communicating with others, as recipients of quality communication from others and in delivering effective communications to others.
People like this are not good team players. They might be the type that thinks they are an individual who has done everything for themselves always.
This is the type of person who does not give other people credit for their accomplishments.
They are not thankful. They blame others. They get defensive.
Be emotionally mature: manage your emotions and take responsibility for your actions.
Many of these issues are problems we are raised with because despite the constant in your face ideal of freedom, we rarely live it. Horrible people want to steal your freedom. They are not happy with their lives because they have had their freedom taken from them.